I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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