Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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