very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
