hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
