a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
