I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he thought i was a dude.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
