just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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