you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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