Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize