My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
