Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
