i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
