I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
