How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
