The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
