I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
