Moan for me like Helen Keller
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
