Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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