How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
