Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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