Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you win again, gameday.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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