so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
