no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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