Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
