Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
