I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
