i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
