my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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