Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza