you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
