Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think i have herpe
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.