Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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