dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.