All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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