you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
