He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
