Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
