I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
