I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
