Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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