made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize