I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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