I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
