I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
