I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
