Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
