im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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