Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
