My sheets look like a crime scene.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
