he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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