eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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