I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
