I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just pee around me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
