I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
