If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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