Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
