Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Text me some of your sweat
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