I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
