3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
from now on my penis is your penis
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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