shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
