I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
