I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
