I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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