I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
