Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
