it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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