I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
