Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
