Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
