My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
