broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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