tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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