Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
