I'm lost and stupid without you.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
