Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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