arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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