I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
