i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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