first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
