Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
