I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
