Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
