don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
