Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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