he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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